


The Worse It Gets

by mothsmenagerie



Category: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Nonbinary Character, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, a note on the enemies to friends to lovers tag, boomer and sodashipping are pre-established & p background, bubby and coomer are married, chapters titled after songs, everyone is neurodivergent babey!, gordon has chosen a different science discipline, it is honestly more like, mermaid au, more tags to be added later probably, nonbinary bubby and benrey, to friends to lovers kgnfnfn, transman gordon, violence warning will happen eventually, youre so annoying stop moving so i can study you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29081049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothsmenagerie/pseuds/mothsmenagerie
Summary: The more I lookThe more I lookThe worse it gets----Black Mesa doesn't know mermaids exist, and Gordon Freeman certainly isn't supposed to find out about it, as evidenced by all his friends knowing and not telling him.He finds out anyway, and the one he meets isn't a fan of him stumbling into their gamer cave.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Gordon Freeman & Joshua Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Darnold
Comments: 9
Kudos: 62





	1. In the Woods Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What caused the wound?  
> How large the teeth?  
> I saw new eyes  
> Were watching me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> claustrophobia tw for this chapter btw!!
> 
> but. here i am writing another big au about my faves living on the seaside. i have a disease. if you saw me say i wouldnt write any more hlvrai out of embarrassment no you didnt. also tf2 reference bc i think its funny that gordon is canonically a scout main so see if yall spot it. have fun!

Loud, harsh music scrapes through the speakers of Gordon's truck. Sunlight glints through his window, faintly warm, as it always is on these late summer mornings. Storm clouds from the night prior roll farther inland in the distance, creating a dark blue-grey line between the pale yellow of late sunrise and the blinding, glassy glare of the sea. Joshua's head lolls sleepily in the seat next to him, and Gordon catches himself and turns down the music. He's not alone anymore, hasn't been for a little under a decade, but every now and then he forgets he's not eighteen anymore and he's not driving to school on a Monday morning and prepping himself for the day by listening to any music that makes him want to shirk authority.

Of course, he _is_ still listening to that music, but he's not going through that shit anymore. Or at least, not the same shit. He's not mere months away from accidentally becoming a single father because his partner didn't want the responsibility of parenthood at nineteen, nor the guilt of accidentally knocking up his trans boyfriend.

Gordon shakes his head. Old wounds. It doesn't matter, because Joshua is the best thing that's ever happened to him, despite the circumstances, and he wouldn't trade the world for him.

He reaches over and tousles Joshua's hair, and the kid groans in response. "No…"

"Wake up, buddy, we're almost there," he murmurs. "And then you can hang out with your Peepaws. Bubby said he had somethin for you, a big surprise."

This seems to wake Joshua, even by only a little bit. "Really?"

Gordon nods. "Yeah! I can't tell you what it is though, you'll have to wait and see..."

Joshua rubs his eyes and sits up straighter, leaning forward to watch the facility grow ever larger in the distance. "Okay!" he chirps happily. "I hope it's jellybeans!"

Gordon laughs and adjusts the mirror. "You'll see." 

As promised, he drops Joshua off with the Coomers. Gordon has a bigger workload today than they do, and they love their honorary grandson, so it's only fitting that they keep an eye on him instead of a daycare. Once they've said their goodbyes, Gordon heads into his office and pulls out his equipment, and then drives down to the rocky shore a few miles down the coast, where Coomer had pointed out an interesting cave carved into the cliff face by the sea, a cave that Gordon is excited to study the ecology of.

He'd meant to go to MIT for theoretical physics. He excelled there. But, lovely as he is, Joshua threw a monkey wrench into that plan, and Gordon inevitably found he was much more interested in marine biology, and powered through and earned his PhD, and landed a job working at Black Mesa Coastal, a branch of an apparently top secret research facility based in the Middle of Nowhere, New Mexico.

He's glad he gets to work closer to the ocean. He suspects, had he stuck with theoretical physics, Black Mesa's main headquarters would have been unpleasant at best to work at.

Tommy's waiting for him at the target location, raincoat whipping in the wind, bright yellow and glaringly obvious, even from the top of the cliff where Gordon pulls his truck to a stop. Tommy waves a long, thin arm at him from the black, wave-battered rocks, and as he gets closer, he realizes somehow Tommy's signature propeller hat has managed to stay on his head despite the gale tearing invisible fingers into his whole body in attempt to separate his feet from the shore--this does not stop it from sending the titular propeller on the hat in a wild, frantic spin, however.

Tommy greets Gordon brightly, above the crash of the sea and the roar of the wind. "Good--morning, Doctor Freeman!" he beams, and Gordon laughs and shouts back as he makes his way haphazardly down the cliff.

"Morning, Tommy! A bit windy!"

Tommy smiles somehow bigger than before. "It's not too bad!!" he promises. "It could be--I've dealt with--with worse!"

Gordon shakes his head. Tommy's vast worldly experience always surprises him, and while he doesn't offer any explanation for that cryptic comment, Gordon believes him. After all, he's older, and has been doing this longer.

"Find anything interesting?" he's able to ask Tommy in a less throat-scraping shout when he finally reaches the bottom of the cliff, and Tommy nods, grinning.

"Lots of acorn barnacles!" he says, and gestures to a clump of the animals on a rock near the cave. "They really--I think they like it here!"

Gordon nods, and gazes out to where the tide is obscuring most of the shore. "I take it we can't see into those tidepools yet."

"No, they're too--they're just too deep right now. But it's--the conditions are good enough that--that we can start looking at that cave!" He fidgets with his hands and shifts his weight from foot to foot. "I've--I've monitored the currents, they--they don't get sucked in there well, so--we won't get pulled under if we--if one of us falls in!"

The cave is cold, Gordon notes when they first enter it. They have to cling to the sides to avoid slipping into the water, and cool air whistles from deep inside and sends Gordon's soft bangs fluttering in his face. The walls are damp and a little slimy--probably algae. Snails and barnacles and limpets cling to the moist rock, and the farther back they go, the more diverse the wildlife. Ribbons of seaweed float gently in the loose current, pointing deeper into the cave, as if directing them onward, and Gordon starts spotting sea stars, and anemones, and crabs, and even small fish. These catch his eye. They are not rare species, not by a long shot, but they are not commonly found in this area of the world, let alone in a deep, meandering sea cave like this.

Tommy stops walking, completely stock still, and his hand grips tight on the rocks. He gives Gordon no warning, and barely stumbles forward when Gordon runs into him.

"Tommy?" 

Tommy turns to Gordon, eyes wide and serious, face grim, lips pressed thin. "I think we should leave, Doctor Freeman."

He doesn't stammer, he doesn't leave room for argument. Well, Gordon's going to worm in an argument anyway.

"What do you mean? This is--"

"Doctor Freeman. I do not feel good about this."

Gordon frowns, but he makes his way back out of the cave. When they exit, the sky has become stormy again, and Tommy remains quiet, troubled. Whatever he saw in there has managed to completely wipe the sunshine from his face, and he stares out to sea, watching the wine-dark waves swell and boil. "I do not think--we shouldn't do any more work here," Tommy says softly. "Not… not for a while, anyway."

Gordon nods. He's absolutely planning to, with or without Tommy, because _what is in there I have to know,_ but he wants to satisfy Tommy's request for now. The man in question nods back at Gordon, and then starts up the treacherous path towards his own car.

Gordon lingers, just a moment, and then follows.

The cave is shallower when he comes back, three days later. He can pretty much walk on the floor of the cave, and it's a bit like walking on coarse gravel, and his ankles give out here and there, but he stumbles on, regardless. The rocks are slimier, and the cold breeze that tousled his hair the other day is now dead and gone. Where crabs once skittered along the rocks, only shards of their shells remain, and somehow it feels more dangerous in here than it had before.

Gordon presses forward. The walls of the cave are steadily growing narrower, and he finds his breath catching in his chest, his heart picking up speed. Here, the walls are _unnaturally_ slimey, covered in a viscous goo that strings between his fingers like spider silk when he pulls his hand away.

"What the hell," Gordon murmurs to himself, lightheaded and dizzy as he lets his claustrophobia get the better of him, and he stops walking for a moment to try and calm himself, hands braced on his knees.

A rock clatters farther along the tunnel. Gordon freezes. _It's probably just the tide seeping in and displacing things,_ he tells himself, but still, he aims his flashlight deeper.

As soon as he does, more rocks slide and shift, and Gordon starts inching backwards. Okay, so it's probably an animal. A turtle maybe. Or some crabs.

"Hello?" he calls out anyway, stupidly. If it's a person he might be murdered or kidnapped or something. Fuck, what a way to go, trapped in a narrow sea cave and murdered by some crazy person who hides out in said narrow sea cave. Does he have a will? He vaguely remembers writing one. But then he also remembers that the will included a large collection of Tom Jones memorabilia, and he knows for certain he doesn't have that, so maybe he dreamed it. Will Joshua be alright? Bubby and Coomer and Tommy would take him in without hesitation, and Bubby had in fact given Joshua a huge jar of jellybeans, so maybe he'd be distracted from it for a while--god, what is he even going _on_ about?! He's--he'll be fine, it's fine, it's literally nothing--

A tentacle appears in the beam of his flashlight and grips at the top of the pile of rocks that leads further down into the cave. Gordon heaves a sigh of relief, noting the bright brown and white stripes. It's a mimic octopus, probably got stuck in here when the tide went out, and Gordon's light freaked it out and drew it close. That's fine. Gordon starts laughing, he feels so light.

More tentacles follow, and then--a hand? A hand. Another hand. The top half of a human, shadow over their big yellow eyes, blinking, looking disgruntled.

"whadda hell, man?"

Gordon faints.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont have an upload schedule bc that stresses me out and makes it harder for me to write so you'll get this as it comes, sorry.
> 
> this also was almost an entirely different fic that i thought would be cool but very ambitious and it involved gordon still being a theoretical physicist but black mesa running vr simulations of the test and all of them ending in the rescas and gordon having to conduct those vr tests and getting lots of trauma from it and also befriending the ai and wanting to get them into the real world. it wouldve been cool but sadly that was too daunting and i dont have more than a few paragraphs of it, so mermaid au bc im a sucker for those :)


	2. When I Get Older

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Down by the dock  
> Sits a man on a rock  
> With his hands in the air  
> Hear him talk, hear him swearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am realizing this is reminiscent of httyd but i like it that way

An ice-cold splash of water on his face, and Gordon gasps and sputters, sitting up with a start.

He's back outside the cave, right on the beach. As awareness seeps back into his body he finds he's somewhat slimey, and there are raw little circles rubbed into his forearms. The back of his head stings and throbs, and he reaches a hand back, only to pull it forward and find it a little bloody.

Not enough to cause immense concern, but enough that Gordon knows he'll be suffering through it for a few days.

He tries to remember what happened. He fell. Why did he fall? There was--there was a mimic octopus. Biggest one he'd ever seen. And it--no, no it wasn't just an octopus, it was--no, no, no…

It couldn't be.

Gordon turns, and there they are. A fucking mermaid. Octopus from the waist down, human from the waist up. Or at least, mostly human. They have two little siphons on their hips, gills on their ribs, and round little ears akin to the head fins of another completely different octopus, the Dumbo octopus. Their skin is a warm grey, almost a light brown, but not quite, and they have brown and white stripes on their arms as well as their tentacles. They have dark, ink-black hair and unnaturally large yellow eyes with slit pupils like that of a cat. They have a round nose and a fang sticks out of their frowning mouth, and they are looking right at Gordon.

"what the fuck dude, you cant just barge into a guys cave like that."

Gordon blinks. "I'm dreaming," he states, and the mermaid frowns further.

"nah dude this is real. dope shit i know. never seen a merdude before. lame. i know lotsa people who know about us." Their voice is completely flat and almost bored, and Gordon just stares.

"Why were you in there?"

"cozy??" they answer, incredulously, like that was obvious. "'s my gamer pad, man. got a buncha snacks when the tide comes in so i don't really gotta leave."

Gordon runs a hand through his hair, the world spinning around him. "God.  _ God.  _ You're  _ real _ ," he gasps. "What do I…?"

The mermaid leans on the rocks, propping their round face up with soft, moderately thick arms. "well, don't fuckin tell anyone im here, first of all," they answer him, picking up on where his question was going. "ill uhh. ill hafta arrest ya. human rights violation, tellin people im here."

Gordon frowns at them. "I'm not gonna tell anyone about you," he says slowly, and they smack their lips at him.

"nah bro gonna hafta try harder than that, humans say that all the time man. they go oh look a mermaid! and then they grab ya and poke n prod atcha and then they tell everyone that you exist and then you have to swim very far away." They make a tutting sound. "no good for benrey."

"Your name's  _ Benrey? _ "

Benrey frowns. "yeah? got a problem, four-legs?"

Gordon decides he does  _ not  _ like this mermaid, despite the biological implications. "Where'd you get that attitude?" he jabs back, and Benrey has the nerve to look smug.

"was born with it babey," they drawl, and Gordon stands with a huff, straightening out his shirt and pants.

"Fine, I'm not telling anyone about you cuz you're annoying and I don't want anyone to have to live with you," he grumbles. Benrey splashes water at him in retaliation and crawls back into the entrance of the cave, suckers making popping sounds as they detach from the rocks.

"epic," they tell him. "oh by the way maybe uh. maybe wear long sleeves. dont wanna go around showin off the hickies i left on ya."

Gordon chokes and stumbles before realizing what Benrey's getting at, and he looks at his forearms, where the rings have started to get a little more red with irritation.

He groans. He's not coming back here.

He  _ is  _ coming back here, it turns out, as Gordon finds himself standing at the entrance of the cave just a few days later, as the late day sun starts fading towards evening, turning the sky yellow and pale blue and the clouds a vibrant gold.

He doesn't know what he's waiting for, really. The water's too high today for him to try and crawl in there safely, even more so than the first time with Tommy, and so he can't do much more than scuff his boots on the basalt and stare into the depths of the tunnel.

The wind chills him, and he shivers, and his dark, wavy hair gets pulled across his face and gets stuck on his glasses, and as soon as he brushes it away and his vision is clear, a pair of glowing yellow eyes open up in the dark and lock onto him.

"Hey," Gordon calls out.

"hey," Benrey calls back. Their voice sounds bubbly, as if they're submerged up to their nose in the water, and the idea of it makes Gordon laugh, softly, just once, through his nose.

He shifts. "I'm not gonna tell anyone you're here," he promises, and the eyes blink asynchronously at him, first the right, and then the left. "But I'm really curious about you."

"yeah well im not curious about you," Benrey gurgles back at him, a little too fast, almost like they don't mean it. "fuckin uhh youre not even sposed ta be here what if you steal my shit. im not sharin my crabs with you man."

Gordon sits down, despite how cold and wet the rock is, and exposes his hands in an attempt to show Benrey he has nothing on him that could harm them. "I don't wanna eat your crabs, Benrey."

Benrey's silent for a moment, and Gordon watches their pupils widen, just a little bit. "whaddaya want then. comin back here. kinda gay of you."

Gordon laughs out of surprise and waves his hands and shakes his head. "God, no, that's not--I'm a scientist, Benrey, I just want to learn more about you. I've never seen anything like you before."

The eyes narrow, and the pupils get smaller, and Benrey makes a disgusted noise. "oh," is all they say in response for a moment, and Gordon gets the feeling he's said something wrong. Sure enough, they finally lift their head out of the water enough to talk clearly, and they sound cold, careful. "you jus wanna study me. thought you wanted to be my friend or somethin. i dont like scientists. go away." 

And then, with a splash, the eyes are gone, and the cave is empty and quiet.

Gordon curses. The attempt failed, he stands, dreads the car ride home with a wet ass, and trudges back up to his truck.

He comes back every couple of days to check on Benrey, see if he can make amends and try a friendlier approach, but they're either gone or hiding, and he resorts to studying the other wildlife in the area. Interesting work, no doubt, but not what he wants, ultimately, and so for a good two weeks he devotes himself to lab work and quality time with Joshua.

Until it hits him, lying awake in bed one night, unable to sleep. Even from their minimal interaction, Benrey spoke as if they knew a  _ lot  _ about humans, especially in their use of the word 'gamer'. If Gordon brings them some form of video game… maybe they'll let him try to get closer.

He's up early the next morning, with an old DS he hasn't used in years, and he drives down to the cave and practically runs down the cliff, stopping just short of the entrance and trying to catch his breath.

"Hey Benrey!"

No answer besides its own, reverberating through the cave and coming back to Gordon hollowly.

Gordon tries again. "You like video games, right?"

Yet again he's met with his own echo, and he takes a big breath.

"I, uh, I got an old DS here, if you want it!" he continues. "If you do, I'll find a way to make it waterproof, but. It's here. I'm settin it on this rock, right outside the cave. If you do want it, uh… gently put it underneath the rock so it doesn't get wet. Or crushed." He places it down gingerly, and then backs up toward the cliff. Benrey doesn't come out, so he sighs, and turns, and heads back up.

He's just reached his truck when he thinks he hears rocks moving far below, but he holds his breath, and waits until the sound stops. Then he looks over the edge.

The DS is no longer on top of the rock, and he can only hope that it has been placed underneath, instead of knocked into the water by the wind.

Gordon smiles, and tries not to get his hopes up, and drives home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont really like this chapter but. eh.


	3. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These words are supposed to be simple  
> But it seems that's not the case  
> This page is staring back at me  
> I'm afraid to put a mark on its face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whats up kinnies i spent a lot longer on this chapter bc i felt the other two were lackluster. here y'all go! actual development :)

Benrey's waiting for him when he visits the cave again in the early morning, trying and failing to look unenthusiastic, pupils huge.

The last couple weeks have been spent reacquainting himself with the mermaid, and getting the DS set up in such a way that Benrey can keep it down in the cave for extended periods of time without it sustaining water damage or losing battery. Gordon's also given them a selection of games, which seems to have increased their trust of him even more on top of the DS itself--which isn't saying very much, but they've made…  _ some  _ progress.

"Morning, Benrey," Gordon greets. "Brought you some goodies."

"oh cool," Benrey deadpans, but their body starts wiggling a little, betraying excitement. "what is it"

"Soda. Thought I'd bring you some human food to try while you're down here, so. There's some other stuff in here too."

"i know what soda is," Benrey tells him, slimey little hands reaching out for the bag Gordon has on his arm. "uhhh tommy introduced me to it."

Gordon freezes. "... Tommy?"

"yeah bro hes my friend we've known each other a real long time," Benrey continues, succeeding in grabbing onto the bag and ripping the thin plastic open with their claws and greedily watching as its contents spill onto the wet, black rock. "didnt know i was here when you guys first came down so he tried to make you go away. keep me a secret lol. but uhh. guess ol four-legs is pretty gay for benrey cuz he came back."

Gordon frowns. Why wouldn't Tommy trust Gordon with this information? How'd he know Benrey was here? How long have they known each other? Why is Benrey so fixated on calling Gordon gay? His mind reels with questions and shock and confusion, and of course, when he finally finds his words, they aren't anything worth his while, they're--

"Why do you keep calling me four-legs?"

"wha?" Benrey does not look up from rooting around through the spilled groceries.

Gordon sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Why do you keep--I don't even _have_ four legs, I have two."

Benrey turns their eyes up towards him and looks genuinely empty-headed. "huh?"

"I-- _ four-legs _ , you--!" He pulls on his jacket with frustration. "Fuck you. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Benrey smiles just a little, and somehow Gordon's exasperation intensifies. "uhh its cuz. you only got four limbs dude. arms are legs for the top of your body an i got ten legs includin em." They select a can of soda and pop the tab while holding it away from them so whatever carbonation built up during the fall sprays out into the sea. "also you fuckin. never told me your name, asshole. what am i sposed ta call you."

Gordon blinks down at them. "Gordon Freeman."

"wh"

"My--god, that's my  _ name, _ Benrey. Gordon Freeman."

Benrey nods slowly. "haha. gordon feetman. cuz ya got feet."

Gordon would snap at them further if he wasn't trying to reestablish whatever weak connection they had before. "You are the most difficult person I've ever met."

"more than bubby? haha nice."

Gordon stares at them. "Bubby."

Benrey gives him a blank look. "yea dude, bubby. yknow. old guy you work with, married to coomer, likes to uh. set shit on fire. how come i know more about your friends than you dipshit"

Gordon scrapes a hand through his hair, stomach twisting with… confusion? Betrayal? How come everyone knew except for him?

He'll… he'll confront them later.

"How do you know them?"

Benrey freezes, and then takes a big swig from their soda. "they uh. got me outta the last lab i was in. i didnt know they'd be here when i got here."

They snatch up the goodies, and quickly pull themself into the cave, suckers popping as they clamber over the rocks, and Gordon pulls his coat tighter around himself, glaring into the dark.

"Dad?"

"Mm… yeah, Joshie?"

Two little hands grip the desk as Joshua pulls himself up on his tiptoes. It's the first week of September, which means the little dude should be going to bed early on account of school, but seeing that it's a Friday, Gordon has decided to let this slide. "What are you doing?"

Gordon scrolls through the article he's reading on his computer, looking for images, or detailed descriptions,  _ something _ . "Just some research, kiddo."

Joshua is quiet for a moment. "On mermaids?" he asks, and Gordon glances down at him before realizing he does, in fact, have a separate window open next to the one he's reading from that has a comically large image of a mermaid on it.

Gordon sighs and scoops Joshua into his lap. "Yeah. I'm trying to write a story and I thought mermaids would be fun to write about."

Joshua nods. "Grampa Bubby says mermaids aren't real."

Gordon thinks back to what Benrey said the other morning about the Science Team and chews on the inside of his cheek. "Yeah, well, Grampa Bubby isn't able to imagine things, Joshie," he says, squeezing the boy. "He has a medical condition that keeps him from having fun."

Joshua laughs. "No he doesn't!"

"Oh, he does, he's just a boring, grumpy old guy!" Gordon tickles Joshua a little as he says this, putting on a silly, gravelly voice. "He doesn't know how to be fun!"

This devolves into Gordon tickling Joshua till he cries from laughter and is red in the face, and Gordon sets him upright and straightens out his hair. "If you want later I can tell you some things about mermaids"

Joshua nods vigorously. "Please!"

"Alright. Go get ready for bed and once you're done I'll do that."

"Yay!!"

There aren't any articles online that provide any answers beyond the same myths and tales about the creatures, and the one he finds that's even remotely close gives him an error page after he clicks on it.

Of course, if the previous lab (or  _ labs _ ) Benrey had been in were government organizations similar to Black Mesa… the lack of news or information regarding the existence of mermaids makes sense.

Gordon needs to be especially careful here, working in his own government job.

Gordon brings Benrey more snacks the next day. And the next. And the next. They aren't too keen on getting within five feet of him or touching him for a while, but at some point they wrap a tentacle tight around his arm in order to yank it down and snatch the ice cream right out of his hand and shoot off into the cave. Gordon stares after them dumbfoundedly, hand still in the basic Holding An Ice Cream Cone pose, and tries to work through what just happened before they return and throw the sloppy remnants of the cone at him, frowning deeply.

"s fuckin cold why would you do that to me"

Gordon gives them an exasperated laugh after sputtering for a moment. "You fuckin--you  _ stole  _ that from me, asshole!  _ You  _ did that to  _ yourself! _ "

"worst experience of my life i cant believe youd hurt me like that." Benrey gives him huge, upset eyes, not unlike that of a seal, and Gordon finds himself having to look away.

"It's fucking--it's ice cream, man, it's supposed to be cold." Gordon gestures vaguely to the soggy cone laying on the rocks. "A sweet cold treat for a hot summer day. It's dessert and we like it that cold."

"fuckin sucked bro patch that out i hate ice cream," Benrey rants, and Gordon sighs heavily. "not even fuckin. almost end of summer anyway dipshit." 

"I don't think you'd hate it if you had it under the right circumstances," he explains. "Or if you were prepared for the cold next time."

Benrey frowns and stays silent for a moment. "i guess, uh. i guess feetman will have to bring me more next time."

Gordon smiles. "I guess I will. But don't snatch it out of my hands like that. Bad manners."

Benrey sticks their tongue out, and Gordon just throws a mini pretzel from his snack bag at them.

Benrey grows more confident with each visit, and eventually, by the beginning of October, trusts Gordon enough to allow him to take notes and make drawings of them as desired (with the stipulation that Gordon not show anyone, which he hadn't intended on doing in the first place).

It's on a Wednesday morning, just before a long weekend that Joshua is spending with the one uncle Gordon's kept in contact with, that Gordon pauses sketching them draped across the rocks upon noticing their colors aren't nearly as vibrant today.

"Hey man, you look a lil… glum."

They sigh, and open their mouth, and colorful orbs bubble out, accompanied by a soft, alien, otherworldly howl, and Gordon drops his pencil.

"The  _ hell _ is that."

Benrey rolls onto their back. "'s the sweetvoice."

"The what?"

"sweetvoice. its how we communicate. like whales except. with orbs."

Gordon leans forward. "Why didn't you mention it before?"

Benrey shrugs. "werent my friend before, dude," they answer like it's obvious. "but now you're nicer to me so. friends. which means you get to see the sweetvoice."

There's lots there that Gordon will have to ruminate over later, but for now he taps his fingers against his field notebook. "Do the colors mean anything?"

Benrey nods. They don't elaborate though, so Gordon scoots forward.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"what the colors mean?"

"Or what's bothering you."

Benrey's tentacles flash an unpleasant green color, like that of a bruise, and confusion is written across their face while that same green color spills out of their mouth in the form of sweetvoice. "i, uh. well. its. stupid. feetman doesnt have to worry about it like the big nice baby he is."

Gordon pats Benrey's shoulder reassuringly. "Nothing's stupid if it's bothering you, dude," he says softly. "Learned that a long time ago. But I won't make you--"

"gets lonely down here," Benrey blurts, and then covers their mouth while bright orange spills out between their fingers and their tentacles flush the same color. Their face, however, turns a deep blue, and it occurs to Gordon that they're  _ blushing _ .

"Does that one mean embarrassed?" he teases, and even more orange spills from Benrey's mouth.

"shut--shut fuck--carrot for embarrassed, shut up," they stammer, and Gordon's eyes light up.

"Oh, so it's like--it's all rhymes! Even though that one's a little bit of a stretch."

"no," Benrey says, shaking their head, "some don't. teal is both surprised and hungry. blue is calm down but also i hate you when there's a lot of it. i thought you wanted to talk about my lame sad feelings not my sweetvoice."

Gordon sighs and sits back. "I do. Why do you get lonely? Doesn't… Tommy come around?"

Benrey shrugs. "sometimes," they huff, "but not as much as you. hes workin on somethin real big an important." They pick at the rocks with their claws. "'sides, i kinda. wanted space. to stay safe. but now m used t'you comin around an… i get bored. even with the games."

Gordon nods slowly. "What's Tommy working on?"

"m not allowed to say," Benrey hums, staring off into the ocean. They look… so subdued. In the three months Gordon's known them (give or take), they've never been… like this. Cautious, mad, disappointed, sure. He and Benrey have had plenty of arguments that feel pointless and ridiculous given that they're a mermaid and seem to have better things to do than to argue with a stupid land-dweller like Gordon, and yet they do it anyway, because it almost seems to be fun. There's nothing sincerely negative about it on their end, even if it drives Gordon crazy.

But they've never been outright depressed, that Gordon's seen.

Gordon props his chin in his hand. "Do you want me to come down more often? That'll be hard if you don't want any attention directed toward you, and because I have a kid, but I'm happy to try."

Benrey brightens up and a light yellow spills from their lips. "aw man feetman fucks???"

Gordon doesn't know what he's expecting, maybe for Benrey to actually answer his question, but any hopes of that are dashed as he buries his face in his hands. "Why the fuck would you say that."

"cuz you dont look like you do! cringe ass virgin baby moments."

Gordon stares at them. "I--I had him when I was like nineteen. He was not planned."

Benrey tuts at him. "shoulda thought of that before y--"

Gordon slaps a hand over their mouth, earning him an offended yelp and a little surprised teal sweetvoice. "I  _ did _ ," he says, a little harsher than intended, and Benrey seems to get the idea, as they kind of look away when he frees them.

"do, uh. do you still wanna visit my minecraft server then? hang out in my cave more often."

Gordon sighs. "Yes, Benrey."

"haha cool. thanks, friend." And they sing a little more yellow before sliding back into the tide pool that leads into the cave.

Gordon watches them go.

An idea starts brewing in his mind, for this coming weekend at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gordon Will confront tommy do not worry it is just a matter of time
> 
> some extra notes:  
> -chapters 1 and 2 primarily take place throughout august. this one starts in late august and goes through roughly the second week of october. the use of time skips is simply because getting close to benrey is a lot like trying to get close to a wild animal--there's a lot of Nothing that happens and sometimes theyre not even there, so I'm just trying to convey that it is taking a Long Time and i dont want to bore you w that  
> -green like a bruise means im confused  
> -yellow means im a happy fellow (borrowing this one from alvinna--I love your color names dude)  
> -benrey blushes blue bc octopuses have blue blood! thats a neat little fact :)  
> -the use of this song for this chapter is more specific to the first verse--gordon's having a bit of a hard time socializing with benrey still, and finds making sketches of them is easier than writing down words to describe them


End file.
